A Case For Monogamy
BY CLARENCE BARR, II
Today, I want to try to set the record straight. I plan on accomplishing this by giving the same advice I wish someone would have given me years ago.
Like most people, I assume, when I arrived at the age where I could start dating I was encouraged not to get too serious about any one particular crush.
Older relatives, both male and female, would seem to always make a point of telling me things like: “You’re too young to be in love;” “You have your whole life to settle down;” “There are too many fish in the sea to only stay hooked to one;” and a host of other worn out cliches’ I’m sure everyone reading this has heard at one time or another.
I interpreted their well intentioned tutelage as their way of teaching me that the path to adulthood involved a trip through the infamous playing fields. A place where everyone is expected to visit temporarily but, for some, becomes a permanent residence.
Of course, I wouldn’t say that being with one person was frowned upon. But there was no doubt that the frequency of pats on the back increased significantly when it was perceived that I was juggling more than one girl simultaneously.
Unfortunately, that kind of caddish rearing is far from uncommon for young men. That is why when women refer to men as “dogs,” they’re not saying anything out of line because, the truth is, most of us were actually raised to act in that kind of care-free fashion.
It is part of the reason why some women complain about not being able to find men who will be faithful to them in relationships. But the irony is that some of these same women subconsciously, by gushing over their child’s “player” good looks, train their own sons to behave in the exact same way. In effect, continuing the cycle that’s caused them so much frustration.
Recently it dawned on me, after reflecting on the negative impact philandering can have on our lives, how drastically misled we have all been.
The path through the playing fields not only set us up for failure by causing us to embrace an elevated level of promiscuity but, worse, may have tricked us into missing out on the one person who could have given us the long term happiness we crave.
What I realized is that cool isn’t jumping from bedpost to bedpost trying to sample every flavor in existence. Cool is finding someone special and building something meaningful while experiencing this journey called life.
We (men and women) spend so much time running after the better sex, the better body, the bigger butt, etc., that we end up on a never ending search for the type of perfection that we can’t even see in the reflections of our own mirrors. And it’s only after we find ourselves on the wrong side of forty, alone and having a drink in one of those bars where very few people still have their own teeth, that we realize how much energy we wasted during the process.
When I read the paper and see stories about 19-year-old H.I.V. infected prostitutes being arrested for knowingly spreading the virus and groups of young women going from city-to-city ripping off men for cash and jewelry, it’s just confirmation that being committed to one person is not just a good idea, but could potentially be a life-saving decision.
The model we were given for how we’re supposed to approach relationships was seriously flawed. But, the good news is that it’s never too late to recover from our mistakes.
Hopefully, when we’re presented with another chance to be all we can be with someone whose presence is a blessing to our lives, we’ll be more than ready to take full advantage of an opportunity that very rarely comes back around.
Anyone wanting to contact Clarence Barr can reach him at: Clarence Barr, II, 43110-018; P. O. Box 7007; Marianna, FL 32447-7007. Reality On Ice is © by the Florida Sentinel Bulletin Publishing Company.
