We Can’t Shake ‘Em
BY CLARENCE BARR, II
I have a problem. Not a major one. But it feels significant enough that it warrants addressing.
I decided to come forward in hopes that anyone who may be dealing with the same issue would feel compelled to admit that they’re as fed up as I am. And, because of our mutual discussion, we could possibly come up with a solution that will help us, and anyone else affected, deal with the nearly inescapable and insufferable presence of the individuals we commonly refer to as “butt holes.”
Everyone reading this should be familiar with this character. The often inappropriate, rude, loud and way too talkative male or female who seems to never know when to keep it down. That person who’s present at almost every activity we attend whether it be school, work, church, movie theatre etc., and who never misses an opportunity to burn our ears with nonsense we could care less about.
Over the years I’ve tried almost everything to make any unavoidable interaction with one of these pathetic individuals as painless as possible. But, unfortunately, nothing ever appears to work.
It doesn’t seem to matter whether or not you ignore them, pacify their arrogance or go as far as to actually reason with one of these miserable souls, nothing seems to minimize the potency of their “but holeness.” It is almost as if they can sense our contempt and feed off the hatred.
After an encounter with one of these creeps, I often sit back and wonder about things like, where did they come from? Are they even human? Or are they the creation of some secret government project designed to make our lives even more miserable?
The only thing that makes sense is that maybe God purposely sprinkled these annoying creatures around us for His own amusement while testing our patience. Much in the same way we used to get a kick out of knocking down dirt mounds and watching the ants panic when we were kids.
Regardless of how they came to be, though, the bottom line is that enough is enough. As far as I’m concerned it’s time to end the irritation. And the only way I can see it happening is through some type of blunt intervention.
The thing is that many of these people don’t even realize that they’re being “butt holes.” And that’s why I think it would be best if we stopped being polite and told them the truth.
Instead of beating around the bush and ducking them at every turn, the next time they approach us we should probably just try to give it to them blood raw. Something along the lines of: “Look, I’m not feeling you. Even the sound of your voice drives me nuts. I don’t care what you think. I don’t care what you know. I don’t care who did what to who or you. I’m tired of hearing you complain, whine and gossip.
“Miss me with the B. S. And the next time you see me coming, act like you don’t see me and stay the hell out of my way.”
I know it sounds harsh. And it may not even stop them from being aggravating. But, if we all collectively confront every one of them we know the same way, it will definitely give them a lot less places to unload the crap that they usually carry.
Anyone wanting to contact Clarence Barr can reach him at: Clarence Barr, II, 43110-018; P. O. Box 7007; Marianna, FL 32447-7007. Reality On Ice is © by the Florida Sentinel Bulletin Publishing Company.
